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Writer's pictureEmma Bond

Why I Am Here Today - Coach Emma

You know those few memories that you have burned into your brain so vividly that you’ll never forget?


Here's one of those memories for me...


I'm called into the principals office by the dreaded loudspeaker.



Shit. I new I was in trouble, but this time it felt like it was for something … different.



And I prayed it was not for what I thought it was …



The principal sits me down and tells me that he got word of something and that due to safety reasons, we had to call my dad (at work) and disclose what I was doing when I would get home from school.



My stomach dropped.



So we call my dad, on the loud speaker. The principal proceeds to tell my him that I'm bulimic, and that when I get home from school, well, I would make myself throw up (and even went into detail to explain how… but I’ll spare you the graphic).



Safe to say, that moment was pretty rough for me.



I don’t remember what my dad said in that specific moment when he heard this "news"…. but I DO remember how I felt in that moment.



I could feel his pain and disappointment through the phone.



I was devastated. Sad. Lonely. I was disgusted with myself.



I was disgusted that this was my reality. And my reality was hell.



I didn’t want to live this way, and I sure as hell didn’t choose to.



I didn’t want to have the intense urge to eat a tray of French fries and then make myself throw up in the school bathroom.



I didn’t choose that.



You see, when you have an eating disorder, you put a lot of blame on yourself. But we forget that what's causing these behaviors and thoughts is not US, it’s our environment, people’s words, actions… and it’s just our responses to it all.



But in that moment (and for many years to come), I took that blame upon myself.



I never felt good enough. I was in a lot of pain, and food 100% ruled my life.



Food was something that would either numb or punish me. There was no in between.



Exercise was something that I would do to burn as many calories as possible... so I could become smaller and shrink into the tiniest version of myself.



I share this story because it’s who I WAS, and who made me who I am today.



It’s that unconfident Emma who just wanted to feel “normal,” who made me so passionate about helping others.



It's that Emma who lit that fire under my ass to help others grow, develop a healthy relationship with food, and create their absolute dream life.




I look back at high school Emma and want to give her a huge hug and thank her so much for her suffering.



Sometimes I get so wrapped up in trying to prove myself that I need to be constantly better, and that I need to grow grow grow. I’m so focused on being so far away from that past Emma that I forget to look back at how I much I HAVE grown.


I no longer let food rule my life.



I no longer restrict myself, binge, or purge.



I no longer exercise to become smaller.



And I no longer view the world as being against me.


Growth is a weird thing. It’s f*cking uncomfortable, and sometimes it feels impossible.


But take it from me…


You CAN change. You can change your thoughts. You can change your actions. You can the way you look, feel, and how you treat yourself.


And in this journey of change, you need to thank your past self and all the sufferings you went through. Because those sufferings are learnings.



And the more you learn, the more you’ll grow.



Grow into your strongest self.



- Coach Emma

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